My New Alligator Shoes
In a remote village on the outskirts of the Congo Waadhu River
After another baby was claimed by the Fosim gator, the men of the tribe huddled in a hut to discuss their options. The women of their clan gathered outside, crying for yet another life lost. As the men argued about where in the jungle the good spirits were most likely to find and protect them, they heard loud popping sounds outside. They rushed out with spears poised to find a white man in their midst. When they saw what he held in his hands, they stopped in their tracks. The white man backed away slowly, all eyes on him, dragging an alligator with yellow markings across his head marred by the blood of two gunshots. As he disappeared into the forest, the Urdobongo men and women broke into song and dance. After years of being stalked by the Fosim alligator, they were finally free.
***
The waiting room was tastefully decorated with nouveau art prints, vases of dried flowers and comfortable leather chairs. Soft light glowed onto walls of darkly woven fabric, and the soothing sounds of waves drifted in through a hidden speaker. So far, it seemed harmless enough. As Lilly tried to figure out how to list her symptoms on the information sheet without revealing too much, she couldn’t help but glance at the others in the room.
One man had greasy hair laden with dandruff flakes falling over an unshaven face, and he rocked back and forth, muttering something she couldn’t quite hear. Occasionally, he jerked his head from side to side, his eyes skittering about as he gripped the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white. Then, he’d resume his rocking and mumbling, sometimes throwing in a moan or two for good measure. Lilly sat as far away from him as possible, which put her next to a sullen-looking teen who was furiously scribbling in a notebook. She tried to focus on the form in front of her, but as the boy’s motions intensified, her eyes wandered over to his paper. He definitely had talent; the rendering of a beheaded woman with a sword sticking out of her chest as blood dripped down a cliff into a fiery hell was indeed quite good. Lilly looked for another place to sit, but the only other chair was occupied by an older woman with frizzy hair and mismatched socks who stared at her with a peculiar smile on her face.
Lilly returned her focus to the information sheet, her foot bobbing in a nervous rhythm.
The woman continued to stare at Lilly until she finally looked up. The woman beamed brightly, almost childishly, hunching so her elbows were on her knees. “I like your shoes,” she said.
Lilly looked down to see what pair she’d put on that day. They were the new ones she’d gotten at the flea market that fateful day, two weeks ago, when all the weirdness had started. They were a scaly green, probably from an alligator or made to look that way, and they had random yellow streaks striating across them. They weren’t normally something she’d wear, but Marcia had insisted, and ever since she’d bought them, they seemed to make her feel better somehow. Taller definitely, and maybe even a bit sexier. She’d conjured up several outfits that matched just so she could wear them as often as possible.
“Thanks,” she said. The woman continued to smile at her, eyeing her feet.
“Can I have them?” she asked. She clasped her hands together, excited by the prospect of getting Lilly’s shoes.
A loud thunderclap suddenly reverberated through the room as rain pelted the window, providing the perfect excuse. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any others, and I don’t want my feet to get wet when I leave.”
“Oh, okay.” The woman frowned, puffing out her lips while she blew through them.
Lilly returned her focus to filling out the endless form as the woman’s stare persisted. She looked to the door, ready to bolt, wondering why she’d come in the first place. She wasn’t a lunatic like these three. She didn’t belong here. As she grabbed her purse and stood, the woman shot up and blocked her exit.
“Can I try them on?” The hopeful look had returned to the woman’s face.
Lilly wracked her brain to come up with an answer that wouldn’t incite the woman to break into a psychotic rage and attack her, but nothing came to mind. Just then, another door opened, and a woman with a long, flowery skirt stepped out. She looked just as Lilly imagined a therapist would, with dark hair streaked by touches of gray, wrapped in a cardigan with reading glasses dangling around her neck.
“Lilly Adams ?” she asked.
Lilly nodded, but she stayed frozen in place. The woman who wanted her shoes inched toward her. Lilly tried to step around her, but there wasn’t enough room.
“Olivia, your mother just called. She’s running a bit late. She wants you to sit in that chair until she arrives. She said you can read a story while you wait.” The therapist pointed and waited.
Olivia folded her arms and jutted her chin out in defiance. The therapist held up a book to her. “Read this for me, and I want a full report when I see you next week.”
Shoes forgotten, Olivia grabbed at the book and sat cross-legged on the floor in the corner. Lilly followed the doctor while Olivia started reading aloud to a teddy bear beside her.
“Sorry about that,” the therapist said as they walked down a long corridor. “She gets a little fixated on things sometimes.”
“It’s okay,” Lilly said. She followed the therapist into an office with a similar décor to the waiting room. As she sank down on a plush sofa, she eyed the stacks of texts with unnerving titles lining the bookshelves. Every volume was on a different mental disorder, and as she scanned each, she became increasingly agitated. Which one do I fit into? she wondered. Did they even have such a book?
“I’m Dr. Ellen Edgar. Please make yourself at home. I’ll just be a minute while I read over your sheet.” The therapist studied what she’d scrawled on her form for awhile as Lilly stared at the patterns woven into the rug at her feet. She scratched absently at her arm, which was covered carefully by her tweed blazer.
“Okay then,” Dr. Edgar said finally as she peered over the rim of her glasses. “What brings you here today?”
Lilly wasn’t sure how to start, so she said nothing as her face grew hot.
“Take your time,” the woman said. “We have plenty of time to get to know each other.”
“I – uh – I guess I just needed someone to talk to.”
“We all need that sometimes,” the doctor said softly. “It’s quite cathartic, just to let things out once in awhile. Clears the mind of all the cobwebs.”
The psychologist winked at her, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
“I guess so. I’ve never been to a place like this before,” Lilly said. “I’m not crazy, you know.”
“Well, that makes two of us. At least, most of the time I think I’m pretty sane.”
The silence loomed. Lilly wondered how this woman could possibly help her. She took a deep breath as she prepared to unload all that had been troubling her. Sure enough, when she opened her mouth to speak, vivid images of lunging across the faux-marble coffee table with claws bared and ripping out the woman’s throat besieged her. She pictured relishing the warmth of fresh blood as she devoured the torn flesh. As her mouth watered, she dropped her eyes to her lap again. Her hands started shaking uncontrollably.
“Is there anything you’d like to share? I notice something made you very nervous just now.”
“No,” Lilly said softly. “I just keep seeing things that don’t make sense to me. Things that are – how shall I say – quite bothersome.”
Lilly stared down at her hands as the blood dripped on the braided rug at her feet, and she licked her lips.
“I can’t do this!” she said, springing up from the sofa and grabbing her purse. There she was trying to get help from the woman, and all she could do was picture the psychologist as her next meal.
“What can’t you do?” Dr. Edgar asked calmly.
Lilly was at the door, ready to turn the knob to leave, but when she looked at her hand, it was blood-free. “I don’t know. Something has taken hold of me, and I can’t seem to stop it.”
Dr. Edgar stayed seated in her chair. She spoke in the same soothing tone. “Perhaps I can help you figure it out. And if I can’t, maybe there is someone I know of who can. How does that sound?”
Lilly turned and eyed the woman. Her throat was now in tact, her ruffled collar partially covering the slightly wrinkled white skin that was only touched by the hands of aging. “I guess so,” she said, reluctantly returning to the sofa.
The doctor glanced through her information sheet for a minute. “Why don’t we start slowly and see where it takes us?”
Lilly nodded. She exhaled deeply, trying to calm herself.
“It says here you’ve experienced some physical changes recently? Can you tell me about them?”
Lilly scratched at her arm again. “It seems that suddenly my skin is drier than it’s ever been. I know that doesn’t sound like anything, but it’s changing. I can’t explain it, but it’s different than the other arm, really rough, thick, almost scaly even, and the color isn’t what it used to be.”
The psychologist’s brow knitted as she pondered this. “How so?”
“It’s weird, but it’s sort of, well, it’s kind of turning green.”
“Hmm, that’s interesting. Have you seen a dermatologist about it?”
“Not yet. I have to make an appointment. I just haven’t had the time.” Lilly scratched again, but then put her arm behind her to take the woman’s focus off of it. She’d said enough and didn’t want the woman to ask to see it.
“So, what else is happening? You mentioned something with your teeth?”
Lilly bit her lip, and her incisor cut through slightly, freeing a thin stream of blood.
As she tasted the saltiness, it made her crave more. She bit harder, and as her tongue flicked a few more drops, she thought she’d lose control. She noticed a jar of mints on a side table, and she grabbed one, unwrapping in quickly and popping it into her mouth. That was better.
As she tasted the saltiness, it made her crave more. She bit harder, and as her tongue flicked a few more drops, she thought she’d lose control. She noticed a jar of mints on a side table, and she grabbed one, unwrapping in quickly and popping it into her mouth. That was better.
“My teeth have become sharper recently. They’ve actually changed shape. Along with that, I’ve had this unnaturally strong desire to chew on things. One day, I found myself gnawing on a leather belt. I just couldn’t get enough. I didn’t swallow it or anything, but before I realized it, I’d bitten through the whole thing! I don’t know what overcame me, but I just couldn’t seem to stop.”
“So, what did you do? Were you able to stop eventually?”
“Well, I only own one belt. There wasn’t much left to chew. And then I got a phone call and had to leave. When I came home, the urge wasn’t there anymore, so I threw what was left of the belt away.”
“Well, that was a good decision.”
Lilly continued, suddenly wanting to tell this stranger everything so she could somehow feel better about it. “So, there’s the skin issue and the sharp teeth. And then there’s my ears.” Lilly had covered them carefully with her long, brown hair, and she patted her head on both sides to make sure they were still unexposed.
“Have they changed too?”
“They have. In the last few days, I’ve noticed they’re not the same shape they were before. I looked because recently, my hearing has become much better than it was even a few days ago. I can hear the slightest things, like an ant walking across a window sill, or a fly flapping its wings. It’s driving me up a wall! My ears seem to have become smaller, and pointier, and somehow they seem higher than they were. Maybe this is all in my head, but it’s sort of unsettling. This doesn’t just seem to be about getting older. My body is changing in very weird ways.”
“May I see?” Dr. Edgar asked.
“I’d rather you not. But just trust me on this. They’re not the same ears I had even a week ago.”
“Okay, I’ll take your word for it. So, what do you think is happening?”
“I don’t know, but I want it to stop. I think it all started two weeks ago, when my friend Marcia and I went to the Linzer Flea Market on a Saturday to poke around. We’d been there before plenty of times, but we’d never seen the new booth they had. There was some fortune teller there, but since I’m a bit superstitious, I didn’t want to go see her. But, well, Marcia kind of forced me to.”
“How did she force you?”
“Well, she had set up this blind date for me that night. Said the guy was really great. He was the brother of her friend at work. I didn’t really want to go, but she said he was perfect for me. She made a bet with me, since I kept protesting the date. I just wanted her to cancel it. She said if I saw the fortune teller and she said the date would go well, I would have to keep it. If the woman said it wouldn’t work out, then she’d cancel the date for me. So, I went to the booth, paid my five bucks, and the rest is history.”
“What is? What did she say?” The therapist leaned forward, her eyes widening a bit.
“She stared into this crystal ball. I almost laughed. It was all so hokey. She said that my date and I would have instant chemistry. She waved her hands around, just like in the movies. She spoke with a fake accent. Then, her face clouded over, very dramatically, and just as she was about to tell me the next thing she saw, something weird happened. Her booth, which was covered in all these sheets, you know, to look sort of mysterious, well, it started shaking.”
“Shaking?”
“Yeah, shaking. And then, before we knew it, there was this guy sprawled out across the table between us. Some man on a bike had crashed into her booth, and her crystal ball rolled off the table and shattered onto the floor.”
“That’s an odd thing to happen. Was anyone hurt?”
“No, but I should have known not to go on the date at that point.” Lilly’s face clouded over just at the mention of it.
“So, it didn’t turn out?”
Lilly sighed. She was more disappointed about the outcome than she cared to admit. “Well, yes and no. I mean, when he showed up, he was way better looking than Marcia’s friend said. I mean, a perfect ten in my book. He was a total gentleman, and he brought me a red rose and walked me to the car, dressed in a nice suit, the works. Everything a first date should be. We had a ton in common. We both are into all the same music and movies and have all the same interests. We didn’t stop talking the whole way to the restaurant.”
“Well, that sounds promising.”
“It was. I started to get a little nervous because it was going so well. Imagine that! I seem to be more comfortable when things aren’t going well.”
“That’s more common than you realize.”
Lilly crossed her legs and leaned back into the sofa. It felt good to finally tell someone what had happened. “So, we didn’t even look at the menus. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, and I don’t think he took his eyes off of me. I was all dressed up – which I wasn’t sure about because who really goes all out for someone who may turn out to be a total chump? But, I got these new shoes that day, and I’d recently gotten this great black dress, and I thought, hey, why the hell not?”
“So, what went wrong?”
“Well, the waiter came over and we hadn’t even looked at our menus. We were that into each other, I think. So, the guy, Dave, he asks me if it was okay to order for me. I wasn’t remotely hungry, but I said it was fine. I’d told him I was a vegetarian when we talked on the phone, so he remembered and ordered me pasta primavera. He even ordered the same for himself, although I’m sure he would rather have had something more fulfilling.”
“That was nice of him.”
“It was. But, then, as the waiter returned with some expensive bottle of wine, suddenly I wanted a steak in the worst way. I asked the waiter if I could change my order, and I selected the huge porterhouse, extra rare. My date’s mouth completely dropped open. He was quiet for a bit, and I felt embarrassed, but for some reason, I just really wanted the steak. Mind you, I’ve been a vegetarian since I was fourteen. I’ve never wanted a steak in my whole life! Even when I was forced by my parents to eat meat as a child, I would never actually eat it. I’d spit it out in my napkin when no one was looking.”
“What do you think came over you?”
“I don’t know. So, then I get this huge slab of meat, and it was all bloody. I normally would have been unbelievably repulsed, thrown up even, but I woofed it down in two seconds flat while my date gawked at me. I even sopped up the blood on the plate with a dinner roll. And afterward, I was even hungrier. I considered ordering another one!”
“Doesn’t seem like you could eat that much.” The therapist eyed Lilly’s slight frame over the rim of her glasses.
“I never have before. I only weigh 105 pounds . I don’t know where I put it all! Needless to say, Dave was totally disgusted. It was obvious; the poor guy couldn’t even hide it. He barely touched his meal. So, the evening had turned from great to awkward very quickly. After he paid the check, he said he had an early meeting and drove me home.”
“How did you feel afterwards?”
“Well, of course a bit upset. But, more than anything, I felt hungry.”
The therapist smiled. “Well, I’m glad you were able to share these things with me. We’re just about out of time for today. I think you need to see a good doctor about your physical symptoms, and perhaps start a journal of what your feelings are about each new thing that happens, and then we can discuss it more next week. How does that sound?
Lilly needed answers now. She didn’t have time to wait. Who knew what could happen in a whole week’s time? “That’s it? Isn’t there something more I can do before I see you again?”
“Well, what you have described sounds like it definitely warrants more discussion. This first meeting is more of a getting-to-know you session. I view myself as more of a guide than an advisor, and I will help you to figure out solutions to your problems.”
“I understand,” Lilly said. She was very disappointed, but not too surprised. She knew the woman wouldn’t be able to help her. She was just upset that she had been right.
Dr. Edgar glanced at her watch. “Well, I have another appointment waiting. Why don’t we pick this up next week and figure out together what options you have?”
“That’s fine.” The therapist rose, and Lilly followed her out into the hallway.
“Will this time work for you next Thursday?”
“Sure,” Lilly said. She emerged into the waiting room, finding it empty save for an older man flipping through a magazine. She thanked the therapist and walked down the stairway slowly. She still wasn’t used to wearing such high heels. As she approached the last step, hot tears burned her eyes, clouding her vision. She miscalculated and completely missed. Her foot twisted under her and as she gripped the railing, she heard a loud snap. Looking down, she saw the heel had broken from her new alligator shoe.
“Damn!” she cursed. She slipped out of the shoes, eyeing the rain that was still falling. It seemed her feet would get wet after all. As she stepped out into the street, at once feeling the cold water seeping up her stockings, she tossed her new shoes into a nearby trash bin.
As Lilly drove away, a figure emerged out of the darkness, reaching into the garbage and retrieving what she’d just thrown in.
Olivia’s mother pulled up to the curb, and she hobbled over to the car, balancing on her new shoes, excited to show them off. She danced around in the rain while her mother yelled at her to get in the car.
Lilly cancelled her appointment with Dr. Edgar for the following week. She never returned to therapy. In just one session, all of her problems had miraculously vanished.
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